Friday, March 17, 2017

Friday Frolics: Erotic without sex?

Hey, Friday Folks!

Hope everyone is keeping well...and warm.

We have a longish...okay, I may have rambled a bit in my explanation...question/muse today:

This idea is from something Kurt wrote in one of his answers:

"It's not grounded in anything except the knowledge that sex sells. I have no trouble with that, because I think writers should write what they want and for their own reasons, and readers should read what appeals to them, it's just a shame that the current climate conflates the erotic with sex.

And maybe that's another topic we could address some day."

I love having to expand my vocabulary...conflates - combine (two or more texts, ideas, etc.) into one.

Now this might not be where Kurt was thinking, but I'm wondering...can you have erotic without sex?


I’m not feeling that sex sells. I get some feedback on my main series that they love the stories in spite of the sex. With my erotic books, maybe I’m just weird. I write what pleases me but can’t seem to take off with other readers. I imagine you could have erotic without sex but I feel like it’s being a tease – build up without the payoff, so to speak.


In conversation with another writer, they shared a piece which I actually can't (copyright and all that) use here. However, it was hotter than hot without any sex. The mood and attention to a kiss was more than was needed. Look for an audiobook "Born Yesterday" author initials TJ.

If you're talking the mainstream erotic then I do believe readers are expecting sex scenes, graphic to differing degrees of the language. However, erotic readings need not have the actual sex, but the lead-up, the emotions...even the sexual act without going for description of the act. It's all you describe a night of passion to a bunch of girlfriends...his touch, smell, your reaction to these. As with anything, it's what you are looking for.

Thank you for dropping over, we appreciate it. Have a fun weekend and hope to you see next week.
Remember, if you have a question or anything you want us to muse about just drop me a line at
Keep Frolicking

Friday, March 10, 2017

Friday Frolics: Emotional erotic

And a charming Friday to you all.

Thank you for coming by, always appreciated.

Since I'm still, yes, after all this time, still learning our Erotic genre and what questions are best asked, I thoroughly enjoy talking with those who know it better.

This week I asked our authors -

Emotional erotic…it’s more than getting off. What’s your reaction to this? How would you expand on this?


As far as emotional erotic – sometimes I want my characters to have an emotional connection, and sometimes I just want them to be in the moment and enjoy the erotic encounter. I allude to it in Mavis and Max, but everyone is cool with James Bond getting it on with the hot temptress and then going about his business. The woman that acts like him is looked it as a slut. Double standard and I refuse to follow it.

What now follows is more a conversation between myself and our HOT author KURT DYSAN, Hot author regarding this topic:


I think that erotica without emotion is porn. Emotional connections provide the heart of the story. In fact the emotional connections make the sex erotic.


Hi, Kurt.

Thanks :)

I agree, but something keeps hitting the back of my head on the quick one-night stand and how there can be a connection which keeps it from just a wham-bam non-emotional...still thinking on wording :)


That would depend totally on the people. If the people connect, even briefly, you can have an emotional story. Perhaps one of them provides something the other has been looking for and by experiencing it, seeing that another person can provide that quality, even for a night, it gives them renewed hope or at least solace. Consider Salinger's story THE DARING YOUNG MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEZE... a depression-era and rather hopeless, yet emotional story. His story is facing total failure. It could be rewritten in a sexual context.

What I'm saying is that it's easy to pigeonhole erotica because of its focus on sex. But sex is basically one form of human interaction... an incredibly intimate one for most people. Yet even intimacy itself is a relative concept. Some people resent the intrusion of an intimate relationship or just don't do well with it.

Back to your example... the couple in your one-night stand are both looking for an encounter that will give them sexual satisfaction. The emotional aspect of the story involves whether or not they got it. And not getting it, coming away unhappy or dissatisfied, is a profound emotional experience.

What I'm saying is that humans have emotional responses to almost everything they do, including writing emails, and according to psychologists like Nathanial Brandon (THE DISOWNED SELF) we are constantly training and retraining our emotional responses based on our experiences. My terse reply should have said that when a writer ignores the inherent emotional content of an erotic story, he or she is writing porn. When the writer elicits the emotional responses and lays them out for the reader, then it is erotica, or literature.


Nothing terse at all :)  I hear you about emails and agree, but will add, we also learn (when we keep open minds) how to read those we only correspond with via emails.

I know I've said it before, but I look forward to your replies because of your insight...especially regarding this genre. I'm wondering if you would allow me to use our conversation as the blog posting for this Friday Frolics topic on emotional erotic.

So many...and I have friends who think this...think erotic as just sex or aka porn-stories. They can't see the human connections which are different than their own. Even with my own attempts, I have a married couple who have moved beyond just the two of them, but for them it's not a conflict and some question how can there not be. Do I have that...could I have that...nope. But I have watched documentaries on human relations and those who have and I think I understand.

My stories are light...completely lighthearted silliness, I can't seem to write these characters without laughter involved. But, I know them underneath...only another writer can understand how we can talk as if these characters are real and not think we're completely looney.


You're welcome to use my comments for a blog post. It's a topic that some folks do skim over, never give it much thought, so this could be good.

Again, I do hope we've prompted some thoughts or interest in our HOT genre. Please feel free to share your thoughts, too.

Remember, if you have a question or anything you want us to muse about just drop me a line at
Keep Frolicking