Friday, October 2, 2015

Friday Frolics: October 2 2015: Why is sex scary?

Hello Fellow Friday Frolicers.

Sorry, writing this opening with a headcold-induced brain. But, that doesn't mean can't still have a fun mind. Hope you're healthy and well.

Now to our musing for this week. And, honestly, we're taking it a little serious:

Why is sex scary?

At least it seems this way with what I hear some talk about it.

It seems many people still have a Victorian view of sex, especially in the US. Sometimes it is a religious taboo, sometimes a fear of not measuring up. It's deeply personal and a lot of people are uncomfortable discussing intimate details of their lives and fantasies. With the popularity of romance and erotic writing now, I guess folks aren't averse to reading about it. Just as long as no one sees the cover of the book!

I recall writing my first sex scene for a book…it wasn’t my book so I got a lot more detailed. The author wanted me to ghost write all of the sex scenes in her story and I realized how fun! Serious fun in figuring out positions, bindings (BDSM), locations, etc.…I didn’t have a story to follow, only the sex between the characters. Once I read her story, I got a deep feeling for the story-stars and the sex between them came naturally. It didn’t seem difficult or scary at all *grins*

On to my first erotic romance – that’s when sex got scary. LOL

It’s a reflection of the author, right? Something the author fantasizes or experiences in order to write amazing, well developed sex scenes. Not necessarily – sometimes it’s just all made up. The scary part was putting myself, as the story writer, out there – it was a total feeling of running around bare-assed to the world.

Thank goodness for editors and beta readers who questioned some of my over-zealous positions. *smiles*

First thought is accidental pregnancy. Not that I don't like children. Far from it. I have nephews and nieces I adore. And I do wear a condom...but no one can predict a tear or whatever. I may be old fashion but having a child requires both parties to agree in a serious relationship, and at the moment, I haven't been in any.

Performance. Not sure how many men out there will admit this, but the thought whether or not you 'actually' pleased her seems to pop up nowadays. You read so much how a woman can fake it, and I actually have found myself analyzing the love session after she's left or I've left, to figure out if any of those stupid signs in those articles on 'faking it' were present that night. Silly, I know, especially for a man who's been around not once but quite a few times around the block.

I'd be called a bastard if I didn't care whether or not I pleased the lady, and only worried about my own release. But I do care.

Having reread my response above, I have to say pregnancy is the 'sex scary' answer for me. Performance...well, I think I have that down pact. You can't call me a bastard, but please feel free to call me sexually in tune...and vain. I love women and believe they need to be treated with the utmost respect.

Why is sex scary? Good question. I'd have to say it's because it flat out makes people uncomfortable. It's something we share with every creature on the planet on some level (some form of sex is for procreating). In the case of humans...we can determine what we want, when we want it and the how of it. We can say we want it rough or with toys or whatever rocks our boats. It's a vital part of nature. But (personal opinion here) like everything, everyone wants to control it. It's the oldest act in the world. Been around since the beginning of time. What happens when things get stale? You change it up. Well, sex has been changed up to satisfy those who got bored...or creative and imaginative. There are people who don't want/like change. Humans are sexual beings, sex shouldn't be scary. Ever. It's a part of life. Celebrate it. Embrace and enjoy it.

When you're naked, semi-naked, physically bare to someone, you have nowhere to hide. Everything is there to be seen. You're at your weakest...even if you're into the mindset of being dominant. Maybe weakest isn't the right word...most honest? There's no place to hide when you give yourself over to your body's any emotional, physical form.

Thank you for dropping over, we appreciate it. Have a fun weekend and hope to you see next week.

Remember, if you have a question or anything you want us to muse about just drop me a line at

Keep Frolicking


Anonymous said...

Guess I didn't get into the specifics of the question like the other HOT authors did. Oops *LOL* Loved everyone's response to this question 'why is sex scary?' We simply want to always get it right...satisfying, without any after effects (like disease or other things we're not quite prepared for).

Good show everyone:)

ChrisChat said...

Hey, Kay Dee.

There's no wrong or right answer :) Glad you dropped over, always a blast to hear from you

Anne Stenhouse said...

Hi Kay Dee, I was really taken by your post. It's seems slightly obvious when I read it, but you're so right. Fear of being known to 'be like that' is scary. Ghost writing sounds like a great and fun experience. Mnm! Who do I know in need of a little help... anne Stenhouse

ChrisChat said...

Hey, Anne. Glad you dropped over.

Lillian Ravenwood said...

I think writing about sex can be scary because you risk putting something out there that you like and having someone else say, "oooh, ick".

ChrisChat said...

Hey, Lillian thanks for coming over...hope you visit more. That's another great point.