My personal revelation…
I’m not talking about the boyfriend / girlfriend scenario here. I’m talking about one woman friend to another woman friend, the kindred spirit kind, the give-and-take-friendship kind, the touch-the-heart-in-a-place-my-husband/boyfriend-never-touches kind, maybe sum it up as the unconditional loving kind of friendship.
It took me years to actually recognize it.
I was a shy girl after my father left my three sisters and my mom. Being the oldest, I came home from school and took care of my siblings while Mom worked. I didn’t have much of a social life…but for some reason didn’t want much of one either. Fifteen years old was tough if you were categorized as different – and at that time, divorce in a small town made a difference. Parents didn’t want their children coming to a house with five females and no male.
Such crazy times as I look back, but in some ways, crippling too.
I married young (18) and started our family at the same time. Didn’t have time for friends, I was keeping my marriage together and raising our children. I had close sister relationships then, which also could be called my ‘girlfriends’ at that time.
As I grew older something spiritual happened to me…I won’t go into specifics, but it affected a close relationship with one of my sisters. It devastated me, seriously threw me into a very dark time of my life.
This led me to some spiritual research, and I discovered more of myself than I ever knew…like ‘who I am’, the authentic me, the woman who isn’t what everyone wants her to be, or the one who wears this mask for him and another for her. I discovered I could simply be me, genuine, authentic, and true.
And, the new me cared for others, but wasn’t afraid to also care for herself.
The women acquaintances I had along the way changed, well…they didn’t, but I did. When I wore the same face for everyone, some of those women resonated deeper with my authentic self and I did the same with them. I found a few like-minded women without actually going out and searching for them. We sort of simply found each other.
Amazing how that happened once I opened and experienced my own truth. It took me to look at myself and figure out who I am before I could open myself to others.
I know this might sound like psychic silly stuff, but honestly it took years of inner growth before I could look in the mirror, understand and like the person who was staring back. When that finally happened, it changed something, a perception.
I didn’t know the first thing about how to maintain a friendship…how many times do we connect, what are the important things worth remembering, what things matter to her and should they matter to me, etc.? All I knew was what mattered to me, so I went with that…I know, it probably all sounds like common sense, right? But, it wasn’t common for me; I had to think about it.
My closest girlfriend focuses only on the positive aspects of anything, never gossips – although she may ask for an opinion on something that’s more than a rumor, she always has my back and my trust, she supports what I do (my career) even though she doesn’t normally read the kind of genre I write – she reads my work, she is available whenever I call (which isn’t too often because I honor her time), and more than anything, she listens…when no one else does, she cares enough to listen and respond. I can tell her anything and I know it is safe with her. She loves me as a kindred spirit, unconditionally.
And I am to her, as she is to me; a cherished friend.
So…do you have a close girlfriend, someone you’re comfortable with as your authentic self? And if so, how would you describe your relationship with her?
Kay Dee Royal