Thursday, June 24, 2010


Hello, my name is Cassandra Hall but most people call me Cassie. Well, most people except my mother, that is. She thinks it’s common to abbreviate names but that’s my mum; pretentiousness at its best. My good friend, Viviane, says I should tell you a little about myself. She thinks it will help me grow as a person. Thing is, I suffer from a complete lack of self-esteem. Don’t be so wet, I hear you all cry. How can you lack self-esteem? Ok, so I am considered beautiful; I know that but believe me, it can be more of a hindrance than a blessing. Take my childhood, for instance. It was no fun being dragged around endless, boring beauty pageants. Funny how my school chums envied me my fun and ‘glamorous’ life. What’s fun about not being able to play out with your friends because they might play rough and bruise you? How about being kept indoors when the sun shone for fear of damaging my alabaster skin? {Mother’s words, not mine}. No birthday parties for me. Too much processed food and sugary drinks. Do you know I have never tasted a Big Mac?
I never wanted to be a model. That was my mother’s dream, not mine. The biggest triumph of my life was not growing over 5ft 3. You know why I hated it so much? No one ever sees beyond this supposedly perfect shell. I have so much more to offer. I’m as intelligent as the next girl. I don’t want to be anyone’s mannequin. I want to be loved for the person inside and not because I make a great accessory for some macho guy with an inflated ego. I’m talking about my fiancé, of course – or rather – ex-fiancé. Yes, he dumped me – five days before the wedding. Humiliation doesn’t come close to describe how I feel. In a way, I am to blame. I convinced myself I loved Martin. I didn’t. I know that now. I was using him as an escape from under mother’s stifling clutches. Talk about from the frying pan into the fire. Martin is worse than mum. All he ever wanted was a woman who would worship him and hang on his every word. I couldn’t become the woman he wanted, I suppose. He says the wedding is only on hold. He needs some space. I wish he’d fly off into bloody outer space.
So here I am, in London, on my own. It was supposed to be my honeymoon. My mother said I was stupid to come but I had to get away. I couldn’t bare all the insincere sympathy, not to mention my mother’s pained and too accusatory expression. She blames me for not trying hard enough with Martin as she blames me for not succeeding in the fashion world. Well, she can go to hell and take Martin with her. They think Cassandra Hall can’t survive without them? They’re wrong. As it turns out, Martin did me a favor. You see….I met someone ….
How can I describe James? Kind, funny, sincere, gorgeous {that goes without saying} but most important – James sees beyond my beauty. He can see deep into my soul. Did I mention he is a brilliant photographer? You should see his work. His wildlife shots are stunning. Truth is - I love him. Ok, so it’s only been a couple of days but isn’t that how real love is supposed to be? Hey, don’t scoff. Arrows through the heart really can happen.
There is one teeny problem. James is not free. He and Alex are on a break, he says, but he doesn’t hold out much hope for them.Anyway, nothing is ever written in stone, is it? Sorry - I'm giggling here. Written in Stone. Viviane says thats a great title for a novel. She's written one about me, you know. I hope I get my man in the end. I hate unhappy endings. I digress.
Thing is, James tells me he feels such a connection to me. I understand him. That makes me feel so good. I suppose I ought to feel guilty about Alex but she shouldn’t push James and try and make him be anything thing else but the sweet, caring, sexy man he is. She doesn’t understand him as I do. I am tired of not getting what I want. I deserve this chance. Now, if only I can make James see me as more than a friend. Viviane says I shouldn’t sit back and wait for him to make a move. After all, it’s the millennium. We women should take control of our destiny but I am so scared. What if he only sees me as a friend? What if he doesn’t want me? What if…….


Kat said...

What if wishes were horses, what if what if. Never let what if hold you back. Because then all you have is what if.:-) Great to meet you Cassie.

Lea said...

Cassie, I'm sorry you never had a Big Mac, they're awesome but add calories.

And Vivian has certainly placed you in a few predicaments I see.

Kudos for going on your honeymoon a la solo. Now I can't wait to find out what happens at the end.

linuxjim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
linuxjim said...

Cassie, you certainly sound like someone who is going to get what she wants ... go for it, girl!

Roseanne Dowell said...

Sounds like a fantastic story. I can't wait to hear more. A honeymoon alone, novel idea.

Lin said...

Hi Cassie, You go for what you want. Be there for James because Alex is the female version of your rat's backside ex-fiancé and you KNOW what a wart he is. Alex is just as much of a wart. James deserves better, just like you do. And as for your mum, is she wants someone parading around on the stage, tell her to go on an air diet and lose the extra two hundred pounds she's lugging around, hire herself a drill sargent pesonal trainer and get herself down to a size zero...who believes they really ARE size zero, I mean really, you'd have to be a NOTHING to be a zero and get herself out there. She wants a crown, let them crown HER!

James is going to need you Babe, so you hang around and let him see that you are so NOT a wart.

You take care, and I'm sure Vivaine has a few tricks up her sleeve for you to override the female wart and win the day. Looking forward to finding out what they are.

Heather Haven said...

I am still reeling about the lack of birthday parties, namely the absense of birthday cakes. That's almost child endangerment. Cassie, get James to take you the MacDonalds on the Champs-Élysées in Paris then for a celebratory boat ride on the Seine, whether it's your birthday or not. Eat lots of cake. Live, girl.

Larion aka Larriane Wills said...

go girl, live it up

Christine London said...

I've a feeling James has a few surprises for our Miss Cassie too. Oopps...did I drop the tiniest of social briquettes? James just may.

Don't worry about our dear Cassie, gentle readers. She's one strong woman.

You're gonna love this tale.

Christine London
aka Viviane's critique partner

Marsha A. Moore said...

Heather has the right idea -- grab James and head to McDonald's.


Viviane Brentanos said...

goodness me. I am overwhelmed by all your support. I just need to convince myself that James wants me as much as I want him and it could be all systems go. McDonalds..mmm...can't wait. Mind you, Viviane told me I should try a pita. Much better, she says.


Kat said...

Well, you should definitely try chocolate. Perhaps a molten choco lava cake?:-)